You have ADHD Mama!
It turns out that you have ADHD. You’re not dumb! There is help available to you. Life does get better once you realize how to work with yourself and not against yourself.
- Forgetting names of people you know (uber embarrassing especially when you know that you know them!)
- Hyperfocusing
- Impulsive (acting without thinking)
- Compulsive (repeated thought or action)
- Can’t start what you KNOW you need to do
- Chronically late
- Anger outbursts
- Poor planning
- Depression Issues
- Anxiety Issues
What is Executive Function Disorder?
Executive function is controlled by the pre-frontal cortex in the frontal lobe (1). I first heard this term at a parent education lecture at my daughter’s school. They were discussing what would be expected of the student for each grade level and how the parents could support their students at home.
Basically, executive function is the planning center of your brain; it aids in organization, decision making and self-control (2).
- Difficulty planning
- Fail to adhere to long-term goals
- Interrupt conversations regularly
- Blurt out or say things that you shouldn’t or don’t want to say
- Forget important dates, events
- Underestimate how long it takes to complete a task or get somewhere
- Easily overwhelmed
- Difficulty following multi-step directions
- Trouble switching from one task to another
I googled this term to learn more and I started crying. I felt as if a lifetime of burdensome guilt and shame had been lifted. There was a name for my struggle and there were tools available to improve my shortcomings. My entire life, I’ve felt that I was dumb. The Nirvana song, “Dumb” was my regular background theme-song in my mind until my mid-twenties. “I think I’m dumb, I think I’m dumb…” Thats really the only part of the song that I heard for a long time.
Recommended Book for Adults with ADHD
Momentary Anxiety Attacks
When I was in my late teens and early twenties, if someone was in the car with me and I got turned around I would lose my bearings; I wouldn’t know where I was, what street I was on, what turn I had just made or needed to make so it would take longer to get places because I would drive around until I recognized where I was. It was so embarrassing and I would try to play it off like they or the radio was distracting me.
The same would happen during tests. I would see the paper, know that I was supposed to be reading the questions, I would see the words on the paper but I couldn’t absorb what they said. I would have tunnel vision, start sweating, the clock would be ticking and I would just start circling answers so I didn’t look like an idiot.
Of course I kept all of this to myself. I was able to get by and no one suspected a thing. I did not like attention.
I remember in High School we had a school project that I thought was a joke-literally. I read the paper, or started to, laughed and then put the paper away. On Monday, I found out that the assignment was real and I received a zero for that assignment.
Another time, as I was presenting my project, I realized that I had completely misunderstood the assignment mid-sentence. The teacher’s face gave it away. I stopped and said, Oh, we were supposed to do this….not what I did. She looked at me and said yes. I think I got a D. I was always an A – B student. Now it kind of baffles me that no one offered help. Or maybe they did and my crippling shyness erases their attempts to help.
No matter, now I own not knowing or understanding. I realize that my brain doesn’t operate the same way everyone else’s brain does and that’s okay. It’s still so f-ing frustrating though. I’m just now realizing the extent of my ADHD and how it’s impacted my life.
I would give the correct answer in the wrong context to the point where I remember making the class laugh. Again, being a girl, it was considered cute.
I was so insecure that I constantly wondered if everyone else knew taht I was really dumb. Imposter syndrome at its peak twenty years before I ever heard the term. Thank goodness that I have learned to adapt since then and the world is more aware and educated on how to develop the skills int eh lacking areas.
Things to do to help calm your over-active brain or stimulate your underactive brain
Ever feel like you’re running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off? I used to say all of the time, “I’m going nowhere fast.” I’m always in a hurry. I always feel like I’m late, there’s not enough time. And then I watch co-workers, friends or family operating at what looks like a snail’s pace to me but they are much more productive and apparently less stressed in their lives. They do have stresses but they don’t stress about silly mundane life tasks like doing the dishes, getting to appointments on time.
- Exercise
- Meditate
- Breathwork
- Journal
- Eat fruits and veggies
- Drink water
- Limit alcohol
- Sleep at night
- Laugh
- Take breaks at work
- Creative Outlet
Tricks to Outsmart Your Distracted Nature
Over the years, I’ve implemented a few habits that have helped me keep track of important items like wallet, keys and being on time for my children. :0)
Wallet
I do not carry a purse anymore unless it’s date night. I will inevitably leave it somewhere only to realize it once I’ve gotten home. Then I’m calling the restaurant, asking if they have it which many times they do, Whew!
Instead, I carry my bare essentials on my person. I really need someone to invent the brallet – a wallet that fits in your bra. And not the ones they have on amazon. There’s a better way!
Keys
My keys go in the same place every single day, every single time that I come home. This way I always know where they are and I’m not scrambling looking for my keys as I’m trying to get out of the door.
Being On-Time for Kids
As a parent I’ve learned that I need twice the amount of time to do anything. I’ve actually gotten better about being on time since I’ve become a mom. One big reason is that I don’t want my kids to experience being late ever (which is unrealistic) but especially regularly. My kids shouldn’t suffer the consequences of my ineptitudes. So I stepped it up!
Being early or on time was a neurological and emotional adjustment; they go hand-in-hand. I realized that I was so used to being late when I started arriving early. I actually found it uncomfortable being early but then I got to witness the latecomers.
Suddenly, I was on the receiving end of how rude and inconsiderate they appeared to be. In most cases they didn’t mean to take everyone’s time for granted and delay the meeting, just like I never did but that’s what happens unfortunately. And I don’t want to be known for being that person who’s always late or a flake. NOPE, no thanks. We’re raising babies here! They need us to be our best so that they can be their best in their own lives one day.
Go Back to When You Were a Kid
Think back to when you were a little kid, your teenage years, young adult life, and now with kids and big responsibilities.
I remember being told to, “Think, Lauren!” pretty regularly. I would look at them confused wondering why they were telling me that. Haha! My problem was that I couldn’t stop thinking. I couldn’t turn off the thoughts. There were so many happening all of the time that I felt overwhelmed. But I didn’t know this as a kid. I didn’t know how to articulate what I was experiencing. So I would shut down.
In my young adult years, I knew enough to say to people when they would start answering my questions that I had voiced aloud, “Oh I wasn’t talking to you; I was thinking out loud. I don’t want you to answer me.” Hahahah
About ten years ago, I was a fitness coach and often times I would be demonstrating a movement and everyone would look at me with puzzled expressions on their faces.
I would stop and ask, “What did I say?” They would tell me; I would correct myself, we would all laugh and move on.
As I’ve gotten older, I give short presentations for work. Before every talk I say something to the effect of, “If I say something that doesn’t make sense, stop me. Sometimes I think I’m saying something but different words come out and I won’t know unless you tell me or I see the confusion on your face.”
Do you have memories of being shamed, either purposely or unintentionally by those who loved you and wanted to the best for you? Most people don’t realize the pain that their innocent comment about you being called an air head, dippy or a ding-dong causes to a kid.
In response to the pain, I stopped caring as much as I could. I just couldn’t worry what people thought about me and it was so freeing. This was a process that took time to genuinely feel without anger or resentment towards others.
Make yourself a priority
The happier and healthier you are, the better mother, spouse, partner, employer, employee, friend, daughter, pet owner, counselor and the list goes on that you can be.
You will achieve your goals or at least work on achieving your goals and have a more satisfying life experience when you take care of you. We’ve heard the cliche, you cant’ pour from an empty cup.
If you’re not sure how to do that, start small. Plant the Seed, nourish the seedlings and watch them grow. Check out the free Plant the Seed Workshop.
