Motherhood is Chaotic
Hey mama! I see you! You are doing your best. Instead of giving yourself a hard time when you ‘lose it’ give yourself a break. Try these 5 methods to stay calm when chaos begins to take a foothold.
"Love the Chaos"
A few years ago when my fi ver year old was one or two years old, I had a dentist appointment. I got chatty with a new mama and her fresh 5- week-old.
I asked if this was her first baby. She smiled and said it was her fifth. I had one at this point and I probably gave her a ‘wtf’ face without meaning to be rude or insulting.
As a new first-time-mom, adjusting to being a parent is hard so I could not imagine five. An entire handQ
10,000 questions flooded my mind. When do you sleep? How do you feed them all? Where do they sleep? Do they get along? How do you afford food, diapers, toys, house etc.? Do you work? She did; she was on maternity leave if I recall correctly.
I think one of those questions made it out of my mouth: do they all get along? She said about 5-10% of the time yes. The other 90 % is chaos.
She smiled at my confounded look and said, “You gotta love the chaos” with the most sincere, genuine, heartfelt smile . She beamed love, pride and enjoyment of being a mama. I remember it well and felt so impressed with her.
I try to remember her words when I feel overwhelmed, tired, and tolerances are low at the end of the night.
So if you can “love the chaos” or at least appreciate it for what it is then “This too shall pass.” – William Blake
Reminding myself that this phase and age won’t last forever helps me to get out of my own head. Separate from my reaction and just smile at where I am and where my growing family is in this moment.
5 Ways to Help Deal when the Chaos is Too Much
1. Mommy needs Space
Walk away before you explode and say something unkind or that you’ll regret; we are their example.
This helps your little one know that you’re human too, their actions affect others and that you practice what you preach. It’s a good practice for everyone involved. Can we say, “Growing pains”?
2. Deep Breaths
Take a few deep breaths right then and there. And explain what you’re doing. Say something to the effect of, “Mommy needs to be calm, deep breaths.
3. Burn Energy
Go for a walk, do jumping-jacks, squats, push-ups, dance fight. Daddy’s Home, anyone?
Find is a healthy outlet. Don’t allow yourself to bury the frustration only to manifest as some sort of physical ailment later in life.
4. Find a Way to Laugh
Cross the threshold from anger to hilarity. It’s a fine line. If you are really mad, do your best to pause and ask the question out loud, “Why is this funny?” Hopefully that question will shift the mood away from anger towards silly.
Release happy hormones, avoid an unnecessary argument, and set the tone for your household. Remember that our live is composed of moments. How do we feel in most of our moments? Do we feel happy, satisfied or overwhelmed, worried and stressed? If it’s the latter, find a way to feel the way you want to feel more often.
5. Stop Talking
Disengage from the conversation or situation, then redirect, just like a toddler. When tension is building and you feel yourself getting upset, just stop, literally, mid-sentence.
If you don’t like where it’s going then don’t go there. It’s that simple. Halting your sentences breaks momentum. If the other person continues then you can practice number one, say you need some space and that you’ll come back once everyone is settled and calm.
