Motherhood
When does motherhood begin?
Motherhood begins before baby arrives. It’s more than changing diapers, feeding, sleeping, potty training. By the time you learn that you have a little one growing inside you, the motherly instincts kick in. It may not feel this way for every woman who has ever been pregnant; each woman has her own unique experience.
Once I knew I was pregnant, I was constantly rubbing my belly and swaying in place. It wasn’t by choice; it was comforting to me, and I felt like I was forming a connection with the little one. I would find myself doing it. I had a female friend who was pregnant at the same time, and she also did the same.
I became very protective of my belly and my personal space, as well. I was nervous about getting in a car and driving or anything that could potentially harm my unborn baby. It was short-lived; I needed to work and live my life. Living in a city where a car is necessary to go or do anything, I quickly had to get over that concern. I say this to demonstrate how the protective nature kicks in early. I remember we went to visit a friend in Colorado when I was about six months pregnant.
While we were at brunch, our friend, a father of two, said, “There is nothing stronger than a mother’s love.” I now understand what he meant. I think it’s imprinted in our DNA as a biological response to ensure our genetic material continues forward. I had a relatively easy pregnancy, and I had a very happy, healthy baby. It’s easy to love her, but I feel like I can’t help how much I love her. It’s not a choice. It is such a strong deep amazing, foundational, core love.
From the moms that I follow on Instagram, I see that it’s not like this for everyone. And I consider myself lucky. I have had a couple of bouts with depression in the past. I was worried enough about postpartum depression or “PPD” that I asked my husband to do his homework on the signs if I started showing any after the baby arrived.
To my great surprise, I didn’t suffer from this common occurrence. I felt very loved after I gave birth. A few girlfriends reached out asking if I needed to chat and who checked on me because they had unexpectedly dealt with PPD.
I’m so grateful that it’s not considered taboo and women are openly sharing their stories. It’s empowering and helps those women who feel alone and like they don’t have any support. The truth is there is an entire world of women who can relate and help you through the process.
How is the due date calculated?
Calculate your due date based on the first day of your last period. Pregnancy is 40 weeks long on average. When you go to the doctor to confirm that you’re pregnant, they will ask you when the first day of your last period was.
Based on that date, they calculate your due date. The first day of your last period is the first day of your menstrual cycle.
On average, if a woman misses her period and is late by a couple of weeks or so, by the time she finds out she’s pregnant, she usually six weeks pregnant already.
Because we were actively trying, I bought pregnancy tests that tell you five days earlier. I got a positive pregnancy test 5 days before my missed period.
I felt like I had a very long pregnancy since I knew so early on. I confirmed with the doctor in week three or four.
What is full term pregnancy?
40 weeks is full term pregnancy or 280 days which averages to 9 1/3 months when divided by 30 days. Many women deliver after their due date for their first baby. My little one arrived 5 days late after being induced. From what I was told by my doctor, they don’t like to let women go more than two weeks past their due date anymore.
Over 30 years ago my brother was born two weeks late. His nails were so long that they were curled under and he was over 9 lb. Thank goodness that’s no longer the norm. Baby is still growing rapidly in those last weeks. Not to mention the mother being ready to deliver.
I remember feeling like I could not stretch anymore. I was out of room. I felt like baby must have been cramped in there too. I was tired of getting kicked in the ribs and hip at the same time. By the time 40 weeks has arrived, the mother is ready for baby to be out in the real world.
On the other end of the spectrum, the earliest delivery recorded was 21 weeks and 5 days where the baby survived and thrived (2). That’s just over half of the usual length of time for human pregnancy. It really is amazing what we can do with today’s medical technology. Miracles happen all of the time.
Pregnancy brain is real
A lot of people ask, “Is pregnancy brain real?” and from my own experience plus witnessing two of my best girlfriends during their pregnancies, I answer with a resounding “Yes!” Both of my girlfriends are smart, successful women.
The first who was pregnant would ask for clarification on seemingly obvious questions during our weekly work meetings. Eventually, we got to the point where she would look at me confounded; I would nod, signaling that we would discuss after the meeting. We quickly realized that her cognitive abilities were not what they usually were. A few common symptoms are:
- Forgetfulness (keys, appointments, words)
- Confusion
- Exhaustion
- Difficulty learning new concepts
- Hazy mental feeling
I remember feeling like I was in a fog. My mental capacity and capabilities were slower. I would make a mental note to do something or dial a number or google something, and it would just vanish from my mind. Poof! Gone.
The body is busy using up a tremendous amount of resources to create another life form. The best way to cope is to accept it rather than fight it or be critical of yourself. Laugh and know that this too shall pass.
Did you like being pregnant?
I know that some women love being pregnant, others tolerate it, and others hate it. Don’t judge yourself if you don’t or didn’t love it. I have friends who were ready to have their body back. We are so hard on ourselves.
I loved being pregnant! I had this overwhelming feeling of happiness. It was amazing to know that our unborn child was growing inside of me. I realize that this sounds strange or alien to anyone who hasn’t experienced it. I did before I got pregnant.
To breastfeed or not to breastfeed?
Breastfeeding is a multifaceted personal decision.
- First, there is the comfort of the mother. Some women do not feel comfortable breastfeeding their children for whatever reason. If it’s something that they don’t want to do or feel drawn to, then breastfeeding is out.
- The emotional state plays a vital role in allowing the body to produce milk as well. Stress, anxiety, support or lack thereof from family members all affect the mother’s ability to breastfeed her baby.
- The physical form matters and can affect function. Does the mother have inverted nipples, deformities, scarring, implants, or a breast reduction?
- Milk production. Some women overproduce, others seem to underproduce, while some moms make just the right amount.
- The mother’s diet affects milk production. Are you eating enough? Are you drinking enough water?
- Finally, expectation matters. If you expect that you will breastfeed, no matter what, then you will.
What is "mom brain"?
Mom-brain is an extension of pregnancy brain. You made it through the delivery, and now you have your little bundle of joy. No more pregnancy brain, right? Think again.
Now you have “mom brain” to deal with. A key difference so far in my experience is that you’re tired, overwhelmed, and still healing with mom-brain. There’s a lot to juggle.
It’s not just you and your life anymore. Now it’s you, your little one, and all of your responsibilities before that hopefully don’t get neglected for too long.
Can I drink coffee during pregnancy?
Yes, but it is recommended to limit your caffeine intake to 200 milligrams (mg) per day or one 12-ounce cup of coffee (3). 12 ounces is a big cup of coffee. I’m from Texas, so I know that everything is bigger in Texas.
It’s really not so much about the coffee as it is about the caffeine. If you still need to get your coffee flavor fix, you can try decaf if one cup doesn’t do it for you.
An 8 oz cup of decaf has anywhere from 2 – 15 milligrams (mg) of caffeine. Depending on where you get your coffee, ask the barista or look it up online. (4)
- An 8 oz cup of decaf coffee from Starbucks has 15 mg of caffeine.
The miracle of Life
It’s amazing to think that we all came from a mother. We all grew inside of another human being to be born into this world.
My husband and I often find ourselves watching our little one in awe. “We made her! She wasn’t here, and now she is.” It’s amazing to think about the creation of life.
What a miracle it is and how natural and commonplace it is. We observe her growing and as we laugh in amazement. Becoming a mother enhances life. It makes everything better. It gives you a newfound respect for what’s possible.
Children are our teachers
Children are who they are before they are taught that they need to follow society’s rules or expectations. They have no fear of being judged. They are living, breathing examples of how we should live our lives.
They don’t understand failure. Yes, they experience frustration, but they do not label themselves a “failure.” they learn to walk at their own pace, talk, or communicate at their own pace. Never wondering if something is wrong with them or comparing them to another.
They celebrate little victories. Everything is exciting. They love to run, play, say hello to strangers on the street. They call it like it is. They’ll tell you when they want something.
If I could be like my child, I would be the most successful sales rep in the world. When you tell them no, they are not deterred. They say, “please?” They ask and ask again.
If the answer is still no, they throw a fit, scream, kick, bang their head on the floor, cry. They act as if their life depends on it. They know what they want, and they go after it with focus and purpose. They are persistent! Imagine if we lived our lives like that. We would all be unstoppable.
Dog mom to human mom
My dog was my baby before my human baby. The simple fact that I couldn’t pick up my dog for six weeks was really hard on me emotionally. She would look at the baby and me, put her head on the floor and let out a big sigh.
Break my heart! But I would tell my dog that she would soon get to have a new friend to play with, and when that day comes, all would be well.
And we are in that stage now. They are buddies, and eventually, my pup came back around. She was attached to my husband for a while, which I understood.
I was a bit jealous while simultaneously grateful that she had someone to hang with while I focused on healing, nursing, and caring for baby. I had a hard time accepting it due to the post-pregnancy hormones, but it’s all part of the process.
Having a high maintenance pet prepares you for motherhood to a point. It teaches you responsibility. The difference is that your kid grows up and becomes self-reliant, where a dog can only do so much for him or herself. Pets may get less attention, unintentionally because they can fend for themselves.
references
(3) https://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/eating-well/week-4/caffeine-during-pregnancy.aspx
(4) https://www.self.com/story/caffeine-in-decaf-coffee
